Everyone has a story and I think every story is worth sharing. While I have gone through plenty in my life that might be worth writing about, nothing is as fulfilling as my life as a mom. I want to remember the whole experience and share it with you.
Motherhood is my story. Motherhood changed me.
The quote at the top is a quote that has inspired me to write for years.
We live in a day in age where people are judged for putting too much of their lives on the internet, yet we use the internet for almost everything. With the chaos that is many of our lives, online interaction is the only consistent interaction some of us get. So why not use the internet to tell people you may not have a chance to sit down with, your story?
Especially if that story can positively impact the lives of others.
That’s what I’m hoping for. To make a difference by sharing my story and what has changed me. Which happens to be, motherhood.
I had my first child at nineteen years old. As my friends were getting ready to go back to school for their sophomore year of college, I was in the hospital giving birth. To a baby.
The moment I first held my daughter, I was consumed with love.
There, in my arms, I held my heart. She was perfect, is perfect, to me. After a couple of days in the hospital with her, I didn’t know how I was ever going to let her go. But I had to.
In a less euphoric frame of mind, I had made the choice to place her for adoption. That choice was hands down the best and hardest decision I have ever made, Fortunately for me, her family is amazing and I am still a part of her life. She will always be my first and oldest child.
She is the tiny human who has taught me the meaning of unconditional love and how to truly live a life of compassion.
For a few years following her placement, I was certain I would never have any more kids. As far as I was concerned, my mother ship had sailed. And sunk. I was destined to live alone.
That all changed when I fell in love with my best friend.
The one man that could convince this free-spirit to get married. While basking in the bliss of being newlyweds, we decided to start a family together.
I knew that being pregnant again was bound to take a toll on me mentally. What I didn’t know was how hard that toll was going to be. In just under a year, we endured three miscarriages and almost lost our rainbow baby before becoming full-time parents.
By the grace of God, we did not lose our baby. He is alive and well and more full of life than any human being we have ever known. He made me a full-time mom and I am forever grateful. With a bright personality and ginormous heart, he makes me laugh every single day.
He is the tiny human who showed me the importance of appreciating all of the little things in life.
Because we struggled to conceive him, and we knew we wanted more kids, we chose to start trying for another child shortly after his first birthday. Wouldn’t you know, I got pregnant and stayed pregnant on the first try. As excited as we were, this pregnancy was a total shock to us. Even though we knew it could happen, we never expected it to happen immediately and found ourselves in denial throughout the whole pregnancy that at some point we would have two kids.
Then we brought our new baby home and reality his us. Hard.
For nine months, our newest bundle of joy did not sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time. You read that right. Nine months.
It is hard to remember life before him. Some of that is due to sleep-deprivation, but even with that struggle, he fits in our family perfectly.
He is the not-as-tiny-as-his-siblings human who helped me let go of my unrealistic expectations.
He forced me to stop taking myself so seriously and I am a much better and happier person for it.
In three very different ways, my kids have changed me for the better. They have filled my life with more joy than I ever thought possible and they brought out positive parts of my personality that I never knew existed.
Yes, I am still a hot mess. And that is okay. I want them to know that I did my best.
I look forward to the day my kids can read what I have written here. To see how lost I was in the various aspects of motherhood, but to know how happy they made me anyway. To know my love for them will always be, and always has been, unconditional.
Here’s to my tiny humans! I wouldn’t have this story to tell without them.